But this week, my news really is worthy of the 'splash'!
I've discovered the single cause of obesity in women aged between 30 and 50 (I make no apologies for being very gender and age specfic).
I can see scientists everywhere scrambling to the computer to read withdewrespect and share the eureka moment with me and a belated entry being added under the Ws on the Queens Birthday Honours List.
My miraculous discovery came just yesterday as I was (again, sitting comfortably) leafing through the new summer edition of the Lakeland catalogue (target market, females aged between 30 and 50).
There it was, on page 67.......a laundry basket with legs.
I rest my case (no pun intended, really).
Laziness (and expensive accessories which nourish this vice) is surprisingly not my 'whinge of the week', although the purchase of such costly comforts may induce the following pet hate.
Now, I work in a shop so I am able practice 'doing as I would be done by' (take your reference from the Classics, Bible or The Water Babies, as you wish) with regards to this niggle.
Picture the scene. Two kids are hanging round my ankles, I'm trying in vain to squash a dozen eggs, a pineapple, four pints of full fat and a box of Cheerios into the final bag whilst searching desperately for the relevant store loyalty card.
There's an angry queue building as I fumble and curse under the pressure. I think I'm home and dry, one hand is major-multi-tasking with a bag hanging from each finger, a child's sticky hand clutching my thumb and my open purse balanced in my palm. I hold out my other hand for the change as the tension, and the queue, builds.
Into my now sweating palm, the cashier piles my receipt, a petrol voucher and my loyalty card precariously topped off with £7.98s worth of coppers.
Anarchy ensues as it all becomes too much for my trembling hands and the coins inevitably topple and roll all over the floor.
Still, I manage to bend down to pick them all up.....just like I'm capable of bending down to pick my clothes out of the washing basket! 'Work that waistline ladies!!!' (I can't even be bothered being PC and saying 'ladies and gents', my husband doesn't even know where the washing machine is.)
PS: I LOVE Lakeland and the Co-Op (oops!) really..... (Blow it, let's be honest, I'm never gonna find a sponsor for this blog am I?!)
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| Clearly not in the mood for a housewife's workout! |
