So, with due respect to lollipop ladies and gents and the great job they do ensuring the safety of our country's youngsters, THEY DO MY HEAD IN!!!!
I'll give you an example. It's 8.45am, I start work at 9am in a town 30
minutes drive away. It does not take a
mathematical genius to calculate that I’m late. Now I'm a stickler for speed limits so speeding is not an option (although, please don't check my paper driving license too closely, it may tell a different tale).
So, I have to accept there is 'greatness to my lateness' (a Hugh Grant line from 4 Weddings) and take the flack. However, my lateness is about to get just plain rude.
Like I say, I'm not under-estimating the dedication and skill required to make it in the industry but can the fluorescent-coated, giant-sized sweet handler not see that I’m late. Obviously not. She leaps into my path with a menacing grin.
Oh yes, she’s a lollipop lady on a
mission; to make me late for work. I breath deeply and try
to focus on Chris Evans' early-morning ramblings but it’s no good, as far as I am
concerned it's OK for Chris, he's already at work!
I am forced to focus on the portable street sign in the woman’s
outstretched arm as the slow crocodile of not-a-care-in-the-world kiddy-winkles amble across the road. Is it me or is she deliberately stopping each
child for a quick re-counting of the seven times table and a chat about the antics of Kipper, Biff and Chip? Finally there is not a child in sight, strain her eyes towards the horizon as she may. I shove the
gear into first, poised for my get-away.
But wait…..what’s that noise?
Little Finlay Smith's Power Rangers alarm has gone off, the rustle of his Cornflakes box is followed by the crunch of those golden flakes in his little
chops. He lives at the other end of town!!!!
But oh no, the
lollipop lady stands firm, Mexican stand-off style; she armed with a giant lolly, me with a tonne of Toyota steel. Of course she wins. We all wait patiently for little Fin to clean his teeth, don his coat, skip through town and have a quick catch-up about his role as a marrow in the nativity. Beeping horns wake me from my slumber.
Finally, off I go. Well, that’s after I stall three times, much to the
amusement of a certain lollipop lady!
