But, panic not, we're now in the 21st century so the source of all knowledge is just a mouse-click away.
My printer isn't working.
It can't be seen on my wi-fi network, or so my laptop tells me.
I followed countless Canon troubleshooting options in vain and returned the manual to its plastic home.
I shouted at it.
I sat my laptop, printer and BT hub less than a foot apart, personally introduced them and took them out for a drink.
Nothing, nada, zilch.
So, I took the bold and intrepid (is that the same thing?) step of heading to online support.
I followed the link 'my printer is not working' and spent several hours of my life that I can never reclaim, going through all the options.
Finally, I arrive at the very last possible clickable icon, which asks me (without a hint of sarcasm), if I would like to 'print this page'.
My printer is now, sadly, heading to landfill. That is, when it finally lands back on planet earth from the stratosphere that I kicked it into.
But forget IT hardware illness, online homo sapiens symptom checkers are the best.
In just a few clicks of the mouse, you can become the proud sufferer of IBS, migraine and sciatica whereas a mere few minutes earlier you had a bit of wind, a mild headache and a twinge in your back.
On checking some niggling family symptoms recently, I discovered my husband was in his third trimester, my seven-year-old has two broken legs and the 12-year-old is peri-menopausal.
Ah, the internet, how it has enlightened and educated us, enriched our daily lives and brought a myriad of sights and sounds that were once imagined to be beyond our reach.
Only yesterday, Daniel was transfixed by a cute dog playing with Christmas wrapping paper while Teddy was absorbed in shaky out-of-focus footage of a small child warbling Danny Boy.
Mind you, it's useful for looking up song lyrics, such as Up the Junction (Squeeze). I used to sing this to Teddy as a lullaby (I'm so rock 'n' roll) when he was a babe in arms. Now in high school, I wonder if I should explain to his teacher where his random tense-switching in prose and his dodgy rhyme in poetry originated. How did Chris Difford get away with rhyming 'kitchen' with 'missing' and 'ready' with 'telly'? (Oh yes I do, he's a genius, all hail Squeeze, watch this space for the fabulous Mamma Mia-esque stage musical I will one day pen based on their eclectic songlist).
And lastly, the internet is also (not so) handy for.....heading to Tripadvisor to find out that the hotel I've booked in Rome is.....'a shithole' according to thehappytraveller, 'the finest hotel in the world' according to poodlepompoms and 'comme si, comme ca' according to pierrepetit. (sigh)
Where would we be without the information we squeeze out of those three little Ws?
Well, if you ask me, it really is my assumption that we'd all be, quite frankly, up the junction.
