Of course, seasoned withdewrespect readers will be aware that our household has not just one but two Christmases with all the trimmings. The stockings go up twice and the kids are wearing their new onesies before Santa's little helpers have even got the pressies down from the top of the wardrobe in most homes (other hiding places are available). The tills are still ringing in Toysrus when my sons' Shoot and Ninja Turtle annuals are unwrapped, their selection boxes are empty and the Hot Wheels cars are lost under the sofa.
Our Christmas Eve Mark I was on Friday, December 21 and Santa took an early trip south and dropped off the gifts, drank the wine and ate the apple (don't judge me, I forgot to buy in the mince pies!). He will kindly return on December 24 making stop-offs both in Bridlington (where my husband's children live) and in Portugal where my oldest son spends Christmas every year with his dad. (new readers, please refer to previous blogs to fill in the gaps of this family tree and my thoughts on separated / blended family life).
This year, Daniel (6) brought the festive ditty All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth to life. Just days ago, he knocked out one front tooth on the sofa (don't ask, Ninja, WWE or free-running moves were involved). Then, on Christmas Eve Mark I, he had the other inadvertently yanked out by his mother (who, me?).
Please don't ring Esther, I was pulling his jumper over his head (OK, maybe a somewhat heavy hand was deployed as he was refusing to get undressed for bed). As it passed over his open (squawking) mouth, it pulled his other front tooth out!!!
The next day, I glared at every friend / shopkeeper / random sticky-beak who said, 'ooooh, has the tooth fairy been?!'.
Daniel's face would fall as he sadly replied: "No, she forgot."
....shall I dial Ms Rantzen for you?
I'm a bad, bad mother.
I managed to convince him that, having stayed at his grandma's the night before while we were driving Teddy to Gatwick, maybe the tooth fairy was confused as to his exact whereabouts. Another friend suggested maybe the tooth fairy was too busy helping Santa wrap presents (I like that much better and wish I'd have thought of it).
Mind you, either way, not much gets past Daniel....
Advent calendars are a source of daily excitement in our house, allowing the kids licence to eat chocolate before school for 24 days.
It's like the ad for Cream Eggs (which, no doubt, we'll be treated to on Boxing Day); how do you eat yours?
Teddy rips open the cardboard door and shoves the chocolate in along with a mouthful of toast.
Daniel spends ages finding the correct door then studies the pictures on the front of the door, carefully opens the door, shows the picture to his uninterested brother, struggles to remove the chocolate without damaging it, then admires it for some time before having a nibble.
He also enjoys looking at my Hello Kitty advent calendar chocolate (don't ask) and today the conversation went thus: -
Me: "Look Daniel, my chocolate is a robin on a branch today."
Daniel peered at my chocolate before turning it the other way up and correcting: "Silly mum, it's Rudolph!"
Should have gone to Specsavers!! (other opticians are available) However, as I live and preach the 'shop local' ethos, you wouldn't catch me supporting such an independent store-murdering commercial retail chain anyway.
There's simply no neat segue from this tale to my next. It's literally from the 'mouths of babes comes the voice of angels' to 'from the mouths of rather horrid post-pubescent scum-bags comes soggy food'.
I was out for a run the other day, minding my own business, enjoying the winter sunshine and jogging along the main road towards home.
Suddenly, on oncoming car slowed slightly and the passenger wound down his window and spat a mouthful of Cheesy Wotsits at me while the driver whooped with laughter at their jolly jape and sped away.
Words fail me (for once!).
You may be asking how I knew they were Cheesy Wotsits. Well, come on, you shouldn't let good food to go to waste!
Wishing all my faithful and new withdewrespect readers a peaceful, fun and family-filled Christmas and a New Year which brings health and happiness to all. Thank you for reading.
