I've come home with a blank notebook.
Darn Center Parcs and their smooth-running, nothing's too much trouble, safe, car free, squeaky clean forest of wholesomeness. (You know if you Google 'forest', the third result is Center Parcs; how good are they at SEO?!)
And as for the 'friends and family', they were no good for blog fodder either. Nobody fell out, nobody got injured, sick, lost, drunk or disorderly, stuck up a tree; nothing! Getting scraped, bruised and up close and personal with strangers' bottoms on the rapids is hardly even note-worthy.
Actually, the only pain in the aforementioned, was that, after four days of non-stop laser shooting, archery, football, tennis (short and table), badminton, squash, climbing, snooker and relentless swimming, I came home with a nice dose of flu!
Wait a minute, I forgot fencing!
That's right, weaponry-obsessed Daniel wanted to fence. Thinking it would be foam swords and non-parent-participation I took him along.
How wrong I was, on both counts. After a very short introduction to 'en garde' and 'lunge', the five-year-olds AND mums and dads were kitted out for battle, complete with real life foils which were bigger and heavier than the kids!
I know CP in half-term attracts the 4x4-driving, North Face-coated brigade but I still don't want to come face-to-face with my fellow campers' halitosis and activity-OD'd sweaty pits. Let's just say, the masks and jackets were in need of a damp cloth and a squirt of Febreze!
There we go, I knew I'd find something to moan about!!!!
Speaking of Daniel, back at school this week he came home with the usual tonne-weight of parent sheets (I shudder for the rain forests). The term's topic seemed perfectly Reception-age-friendly; Colour and Shape.
However, I'm not sure how adult-age-appropriate the parent advice sheet was.....
Under Communication, Language and Literacy, item four read: - 'To sequence familiar stories and encourage emergent writing' (eh?).
In Expressive Arts and Design they will be ' looking at works by the artist Kandinsky and creating a piece of art in his style' (who?).
And at home, we were asked (among a whole raft of things) to help our children 'identify and write initial, medial, final sounds in the CVC words' (oh boy!).
Can't we just stick CBBC on and give them a bag of Quavers?
I'm even considering boarding school as I need the free time to crack on with my Masters in 'Understanding and Deciphering Primary School Parental Literature'.
PS: Of course, I do know who Kandinsky is really.
(I just didn't realise she was an artist and a cross-dresser - but I did always think that Bill Clinton chappy was up to no good)
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| En garde - Daniel has me cornered! |
